Sunday, November 14, 2010
Moses and Einstein at 9pm on CNN
Embellishment, sensationalism, and creativity were important tools for the day that drew people in; creating characters that defied human nature, and Gods that once ruled the earth, only to disappear thousands of years later.
I wondered how Moses fit in with my studies, so I turned to my trusted source for knowledge, Wikipedia.
Even though there are no known Egyptian records that speak of Moses and his God, Moses tells us that the Hebrews were basically slaves in Egypt and that he was sent by the Sun God, err, just God, to free the Hebrews, God's new chosen people. Here are some other quick facts about Moses and his mission:
-Moses was set adrift in a basket on the Nile river, only to be found by the pharaoh’s daughter
-One day he saw an Egyptian mis-treating a Hebrew so Moses killed him and buried him in the sand
-Knowing he could be put to death, he fled and became a shepherd for 40 years where one day he saw a burning bush through which God was able to tell him to go free the Hebrews from bondage
-On the way back to Egypt, Moses was nearly killed by God since his son was not circumsized (oops!)
-Moses and the pharaoh had a battle of magic where they turned rods into serpents, rivers into blood, and made frogs appear in mass quantities
-With pharaoh’s magic reaching its peak, he was not able to control against the ten plagues, which culminated in the killing of the Egyptian’s first born sons (take that!) With Moses winning out, he was able to lead his people out.
-While in the wilderness with his people, Moses came down to deliver the ten commandments but saw the people worshiping an idol, so he had thousands of them killed. This was not the only mass killing of his people that was overseen by Moses.
And thus, Moses led his people out of Egypt to a better life. The nation of Israel was created and Moses is now remembered as, well, you know– the great prophet- Moses.
Ironically just last night I stumbled across an article I read many years ago about Albert Einstein’s thoughts on religion and his Jewish heritage.
Addressing the idea that the Jews are God's chosen people, Einstein wrote that "the Jewish people to whom I gladly belong and with whose mentality I have a deep affinity have no different quality for me than all other people. As far as my experience goes, they are also no better than other human groups. I cannot see anything 'chosen' about them...For me the Jewish religion, like all other religions, is an incarnation of…superstitions."
Because of the great influence these two men have, even today, I would love to see a debate about their disagreement. It could even be televised on CNN with Anderson Cooper as the moderator. Whether we would see any magic tricks, or just some mad science tricks, I cannot say.
For now we will just have to settle for Mitt Romney on CNN as he internally tip-toes around Moses’ magic while he answers questions in his bid for President of one nation, under God.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Ancient Egypt, Missionary Work, Kaua'i
1) Egypt is considered the first great civilization
2) Compared to other cultures, it was pretty great to be a woman in ancient Egypt. We hear all this fuss about having our first female president. Did you know Egypt had a female Pharaoh 3300 years ago?
3) It was also great to be a man. Well, if you are into polygamy that is. Most pharaoh's had their "main" wife - but they also had "minor" wives - a harem if you will. As a peace offering, many kings from surrounding lands sent their daughters to be part of the harem.
4) Egyptians were very concerned with their knowledge of death. They had a Book of the Dead that contained instructions for passing through to eternal life. If you failed to recite the proper words or do the proper things you were out of luck. Hmmm - that sounds like something I have heard before....
5) There are claims that the LDS facsimiles that are in Book of Abraham come right out of the Book of the Dead.
6) One Egyptian pharaoh is credited with the idea of using diplomacy as a tool for power and peace (over conquest). He is also credited with using "mass media" as a propaganda tool -by founding Fox News errrr, I mean sending out writing on rock-shaped beetles.
7) Obelisks, such as the Washington Monument, were first built in ancient Egypt (by that female pharaoh I told you about)
8) Monotheism was first born in Egypt - an idea that is now prevalent in, well, Christianity, Islam, Judaism, and Ronald McDonaldism.
The other day I was thinking that my favorite thing about missionary work was this: You put on a little black tag and people open up to you. You sit in their living room, eat their food, hear and see their problems. Diagnose their problems and prescribe a writ of ancient text and ask them to apply daily. Repeat. That was as close as I will ever be to being a fly on the wall of real people. Well, until I reincarnate.
Exodus 34
19 All that openeth the matrix is mine; and every firstling among thy cattle, whether ox or sheep, that is male.
You got that? Good.
The thing I didn't like about being a missionary is that it wasn't in Kauai. And it wasn't with Jenn. Combining those two, plus a better-than-wave pool wave pool = life is good.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Follow - Up To "A Tribute To Chris"
I know, I know. It's over. The day is passed, the post is written. I just can't, CAN'T, let Chris get off that easy. At the end of my "tribute" I made the comment "Thank you Chris. I never knew you, but I appreciate you. Happy Columbus Day."
I take it back.
Today while Jenn was at Best Buy de-installing car cameras for work, I walked over to Borders and picked up a book to go beyond the reach of Wikipedia's expert history on Mr. Columbus. I read about 15 pages and left the store feeling a little sick. In fact, I wasn't so sure we should be celebrating a day under this man's name.
I have always felt somewhat shameful for what happened to the original inhabitants of this hemisphere. Maybe, at least, if we are going to have a Columbus Day - we should also have an "Arawak Day" or something. You know, a time to remember and acknowledge those who's lives were brutally taken by Mr. Columbus and his fellow pirates.
Well, if not, I will be thinking of them on Columbus Day - not Columbus. If you are interested in history and would like to know yourself what happened - read the first few pages of this book here.
I have pasted some comments, below, from a Spanish dissenter who disapproved of the treatment of the Arawak.
"Endless testimonies...prove the mild and pacific temperament of the natives...But our work was to exasperate, ravage, kill,mangle and destroy"
"two of these so-called Christians met two Indian boys one day, each carrying a parrot;they took the parrots and for fun beheaded the boys."
"Thus (Arawak) husbands and wives were together only once every eight or ten months and when they met they were so exhausted and depressed on both sides...they ceased to procreate. As for the newly born, they died early because their mothers, overworked and famished, had no milk to nurse them...7000 children died in three months. Some mothers even drowned their babies from sheer desperation...My eyes have seen these acts so foreign to human nature, and now I tremble as I write..."
In 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue...
Monday, October 11, 2010
A Tribute to Chris
Even though you were Italian - you went where you could get work, under the Spanish crown
You and most educated westerners had understood that the world was spherical since the days of Aristotle in the 4th century BC-even though Christian theologians insisted that the world was flat
You were wrong about the distance you would have to travel to reach land, believing it to be much shorter than many prominent thinkers at the time
You had knowledge of, and took advantage of, trade winds which made your one way voyage last 5 weeks; compared to months had you not used the trade winds
You made four voyages. Land was seen first in the Bahamas and 39 men were left first in Haiti. Upon returning on the second voyage this settlement was destroyed by natives and 11 of 39 corpses were found
Popular thinking holds that your voyage brought syphilis back from the new world which would go on to kill 5 million people
A second, larger settlement was established in the Dominican Republic. A poor choice for a settlement, the people there revolted against you and refused to let you return to shore upon arriving as part of the third voyage
You allegedly had many leaders hanged who disobeyed you and upon returning to Spain many sailors lobbied against you, leading to your arrest
On the fourth voyage you were caught in a hurricane and became stranded in Jamaica for a year. In a prior hurricane 29 of 30 ships in the fleet, many carrying treasure, sank
When you returned to Spain you were imprisoned for a time because many claimed you governed tyrannically. Twenty-three witnesses stated that you used barbaric acts of torture to govern Hispaniola. You were eventually freed but died at 55 due to a heart attack precipitated by arthritis
One part of your mission, other than finding a sea route to the Indies, was to Christianize the natives. You did not end up baptizing, though, because you wanted to enslave them for economic reasons. Your religion did not allow the enslavement of Christians.Way to get around the red tape
Your remains were moved from Spain to the Dominican Republic, to Cuba, back to Spain
You are credited with bringing America to the forefront of western attention and are credited for bringing us the following-named locations:
Columbus, OH
District of Columbia
Columbia, SC
Columbia River
Colombia
Thank you Chris. I never knew you, but I appreciate you. Happy Columbus Day
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
What I Am Liking
Convincing the landlord to paint the entire condo at his expense. Thank you, sir.
Signing up for credit cards to get free flights, then canceling them. Take me to Poipu first, please. Next up, United, US Airways, Frontier, American Airlines, & Continental. Good credit means rewards worth over $4,000 for husband and wife.
Dentists that offer free teeth whitening for new patients. Do you have an early morning appointment?
U-M Health Insurance. I flipped open the pamphlet and ran my finger down the page and didn't see one line that didn't say "covered in full." Jenn, you are amazing.
Commuting to work and seeing a traffic jam every morning coming into Ann Arbor. Then coming home and seeing the exodus.
Jenn's baked s'mores dessert, blueberry soy smoothies, and pasta sauce.
Jenn.
Bikes and Fall in Michigan.
The sure knowledge that we are most definitely all soaring through space on a giant rock that looks like this (click photo to enlarge) from 114 million miles away. This picture is now my wallpaper on my work computer and whenever I get stressed or concerned about anything at all I look at it- and it gives me peace. Then I think, damn- I'm freaking small-and I shake my head. I do this a couple times a day.
Peace be with you my friends.
PS. I enjoy this song and video.
No preguntes cosas que no se. Yo no se.
Yo no se lo que es eterno, no me pidas algo que es del tiempo
yo no se maƱana,Si estaremos juntos, si se acaba el mundo
Todo lo que ves es lo que soy, no me pidas mas de lo que doy
Esta vida es igual a un libro
Solo este momento es realidad
Ahora lo que vivimos es algo realmente lindo
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Is It Possible?
Without over-analyzing the subject too much, I will say that the following two videos sum up what is very possible in marriage.
So, in short, yes.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Real Estate, Religion, & Credit Unions
The city of Kirtland tripled in size in just 6 years. Since I am a master economist (I took Econ 110 so, you know...) I can tell you that this probably did wonders for the price of land in Kirtland. In fact. It did. The price of land rose from approximately $7/acre in 1832 to $44/acre in 1837.
With the church in deep debt from temple building and prices too high for many of the early church members to buy land, the church found itself in a special place. So, Joseph Smith called for the creation of a financial institution similar to the structure of modern day credit unions. This all, of course, in an effort to help fix these 2 big problems.
Zoom out now to the macro-economy. Wait too far. Okay - good. Banks started issuing paper money no longer backed by bullion (precious metals). Money supply up. Demand is up. Guess what happened to the price of land. Up. Up. Up. Speculators (buy-and- flip folks) started to drive the price of land up even further creating a juicy real estate bubble. (I know what you are thinking - you are right).
POP. The Panic of 1837 results in those Kirtland land prices dropping from their $44 dollar per acre prices to $17.50. This, and other causes directly led to the failure of the Kirtland Credit Union (Kirtland Safety Society) and 343 of the nations 850 banks. Massive unemployment and a 5-year depression ensued.
Joseph Smith and other church leaders flee Kirtland as internal dissension and external persecution reach a climax. Approximately 30% of church leadership defects and the church is nearly in shambles.
My old boss back in college was not only an earnest Latter-day Saint, but he also founded his own credit union. Where he drew his inspiration, I know not. But he shared a similar fate when his credit union went under recently, in a similar fashion as those of 1837. This time the bubble was not caused so much by new non-bullion backed money, but by, of course, sub-prime lending (primarily).
Spared the "fallen prophet" title and allowed to stay in his own home, emotions were not running quite as high thanks to that ever important NCUA insurance for bankrupt credit unions. But I just wonder sometimes. During all the bedtime prayers. Did the thought just ever come to mind: "Kirtland Safety Society."
Who knows though - maybe it did. He probably just didn't have his spiritual ears on that night. Then again, neither did the rest of us of course. Well...except for Peter Schiff.
Or maybe we should just brush up on our history.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
The Fantastic Sams next to Mancinos Pizza and Grinders
When I was 16 I could drive, and by then I figured out how to make sure I got Linda every time. Why leave these things to chance, I thought? With all those pretty girls in class. This is a month defining moment - I don't take these decisions lightly.
Then the divorce happened at 17. In fact, I remember Dad took us kids to Mancino's Pizza and Grinders to break the news. It was fall, and dark outside. I didn't think about it at the time, I mean I don't obsess over these things. But I'm sure Linda was next door, cutting hair - in that same spot.
So it was off to Utah. Finish up high school. Meet new people. Start a new life.
Then it was off to North Carolina. 2 years there. I met everyone from Jose fresh from the border to wealthy employers of Jose and his friends. I saved souls and ate a lot of Boston Market. Sometimes I skipped scripture study to daydream of Lake Powell and cliff jumping.
College is next. A new world. History, Business, Religion, Philosophy, a whole new world of intellectual thinking opened up to me. Incredible.
I met the most amazing person in the world and now have the pleasure of spending my life with her.
We graduated and have been working and starting life, and moved again - back to MI.
Tonight we went up to Brighton to borrow bikes from Dad and Kristi and decided to stop at Mancino's for a medium cheese pizza first. It's only $8.50.
There was Linda in the window cleaning her area after another day of cutting hair. Everyday of every adventure I have been on the past 8 years - Linda has been in that booth cutting hair. She looked the same, a little older - a little more tired.
Sometimes in life I feel like my biggest fear is to be stuck cutting hair everyday while the world is moving around me. Unexplored by my body- and economy-caged spirit. I save money as if I am working to buy my own freedom.
Yet, isn't it simple and safe. Cutting hair everyday. Doing something nice for somebody else - having them appreciate your trade. I think, maybe yes.
I cut my own hair now, though. I was thinking about letting Linda know, but I don't think she would remember me anyway.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
News, Irony, Friends, & Tennis Shoes
This was suprising because I know my IQ is off the charts and I thought I had an advantage this whole time. Damn.
Oh yeah, so since I don't read many books I read the news like crazy. Why? Short and to the point. Tell me what I need to know and stop wasting my time. Every once in a while I will read a story that makes me smile a little (ever so slightly) because of the irony involved. A story recently reminded me of one I saw 364 days ago. Both Angel Moroni and a Jesus statue struck by lightning.
Either:
God is not all-powerful and could not prevent this because he does not have control over the elements
He does have control over the elements but lets little things like this slip by because he realizes that it's okay to laugh at ourselves a little bit
He wants to test our commitment in light of this counter-intuitive occurrence
He didn't like the monuments
He was watching the World Cup
or...
or...
Also, that story about that Colorado guy who moved to Pakistan to try and catch Osama. He was carrying a sword and some christian books. His brother (a doctor) insists that he is not crazy and that he grew a beard and wears a robe so that he can blend right in. In fact, he "blended in so well that, unlike our military, he could walk around willy nilly."
Willy Nilly.
(this image came up when I googled "willy nilly")
Facebook. I whittled my friends down to 100. That seems like a lot. I consider myself a quality over quantity kind of guy. If you are one of my good friends - you really know it. I will tell you right now - I like you. We are friends. But Facebook is a different animal. Friends on Facebook generally fall into the following categories:
Good Friend (the few as previously mentioned)
Old good friends (we don't talk much, but I used to like you - so even though we haven't spoken in YEARS I'm sure we could pick it up anytime)
Family and cousins
People I know I will run into again someday and so I have to keep them on there- It's not worth that corner of the eye, "I thought I knew you," look.
100 is a good number. There is a waiting list, I just don't want to crack 100.
I really hope my tennis shoes last the summer. JWeb and I have had some fiesty matches and they look to be on their way out. I just don't want to buy a new pair just to burn them out in 2 months. you know what I mean?
Next post topics:
-new job
-new apartment search
-ford focus 100k club
-Charlevoix & King James
-1.5 years of marriage (between 1 & 2 years) to dear Jenny
Remind me.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Public Accounting Expositor
Preamble
As the direct target of an internal marketing campaign by the University (hereafter "party 1" and the PA Firm(s) (hereafter "party 2") it is deemed beneficial to the future pools of fresh blood that the following ideas set forth by party 1 and party 2 be exposed:
1) Upon Graduation You Will Represent "The Next Generation of Talent."
2) Work-life Balance Means 40-hour work weeks with 55-hour weeks during "busy season"
3) The First Few Years Are Rough. You have to Pay Your Dues. Then, It Gets Better!
4) The MAcc is a Great Credential to have in your Back Pocket.
5) 10% Pay Increases are the Norm. Expect to be Compensated Fairly for your Hard Work.
Resolutions
Resolved 1st, that I disapprobate and discountenance the idea as set forth of the warm and fuzzy "next generation of talent" and hereby propose the more accurate "prisoners of Gorash the Ugly." Based on the presence of the invisible ball and chain and the slobbering saber tooth centurions, this is deemed appropriate and reasonable. (pictures introduced as supporting evidence)
Resolved 2nd, 40 what? 55 what? The Jerusalem what? Jerusalem toodle-oo-poosey, poosley-loo?
It is hereby proposed "Hours are played by ear. And to be sure "the ear rarely heareth that which is pleasing."
Resolved 3rd, I disapprobate and discountenance the idea as set forth of the first few years. Be it known to all climes and countries that the first 2 years are by far the easiest. Dues may be made payable to "Gorash the Ugly" and the acceptable form of payments are as follows:
- Your life
- Your family (friendly emails of employee's family members' passing will be sent out company-wide upon their passing. Expect an average of 3 per month depending on office size).
Resolved 4th, I disapprobate and discountenance the idea alleged by party 1. Proposed: If you can get that piece of paper that says "Certified Public Accountant" on it, you need nothing else in public accounting. Nothing. The CPA is the credential of value. The one, the only.
Resolved 5th, I disapprobate and discountenance the idea alleged by party 2 up until year 7. Proposed: If you are willing to wear ball and chain and can please Gorash the Ugly throughout said period, you will then be fairly compensated both monetarily and with a slightly heavier ball and chain. Disclaimer: Sometimes Gorash the Ugly can't be pleased. Prepare to be thrashed about, and nearly eaten alive.(also referred to as "a good opportunity")
Affidavit 1
Published by Party 1 and evidence of excessive marketing (article and photos published by Marriott School Magazine circa Spring 2009:
"The Happiest Auditor on Earth"
Nice.
Farewell, Disneyland!
(editor's note: format and wording similar to "Nauvoo Expositor")
Addendum 1, June 16th 2010
The hypocrisy of it all sends a thrill up my spine. They tell you that you are their #1 asset and that they will do everything possible to help you succeed. Then on the other hand you quickly realize that their corporate structure is set up so that people will quit (burn out) or be "coached out" in the 4-6th year range. They WANT this. Only the "elect" can even make it to year 7 (manager level). "Elect" can be defined by your own imagination. Just thought I would throw that in for S***s & giggles before I forget.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
73 E 200 N
You were there when I got home from my mission. We were both young and I didn't know you very well, and I often felt lonely when I was with you - but I had a feeling we would share many great moments together.
You listened as Zach and I lived together and talked passionately ( :p ) about matters of faith. You remember....what is and what is not.
You counseled with me and Fernando that if we were ever going to meet girls we would need to stop working and studying so much. What ensued were a pair of random dates...you remember Pillar and Tundra - right?
You let us borrow your wall to project the Jazz coming back furiously against the Suns. You even let me slap my hand against your ceiling in jubilation - only the kind a young man passionate about his hometown team can feel. (Remember that game Nich and Zach?)
You laughed when Richard finally got mad at me for constantly saying (queue high voice) RIIIIIIIIICHAAAAAAAAARD!
You were awakened when, after having to sleep out in the hall because Richard just would not go to bed, Zach was stepped on, while sleeping, by the one and only...Richard.
You begged for your windows to be opened, even on a cold winter morning, after Raul consistently cooked up something putrid for breakfast. Not sure exactly what it was - but Dios...
You were annoyed too when Colby and Jamie laid down on the LoveSac AFTER I was already on the couch studying...to makeout.
We kept you up late as Rob and I reminisced about living in North Carolina and knocking on trailer doors trying to convert people...while avoiding being chased by angry dogs.
You wouldn't let me open the door when someone knocked...especially on Sundays. I forgive you for that.
You spied on me and Courtney when we watched our first movie together. A moment that resulted in a loveship that hurts now that we are apart. You weren't there, but you should know that one moment resulted in many tennis matches so full of anger and foul cursing. However, on equal occasions, there were victors dances and praises to the almighty God of Tennis - Penn 3.
You sometimes left the door unlocked when I was the last one home from the BYU library studying Accounting (why? God only knows).
You agreed with Fernando when he told me I was crazy for "not being sure" after my second date with Jenn. Months later you watched Jenn and I share our second kiss on the LoveSac, share thoughts, stories, and worries...cook pizza, lettuce wraps and salmon in your kitchen. Eventually, after marriage of course, you let us push two twin beds together to fit our queen air mattress.
You didn't mind that I got your carpet wet when I came in after pondering in the hot tub as crystal flakes fell on blankets of white.
You were always right around the corner from festival latina, comedysportz, India Garden, Mountain High - Sucursal Latina, Smiths, and Diego's Taco Shop. Thanks for that.
I am sad to say that I can't make it to your funeral. However, I feel strongly that, at least for you, reincarnation will be possible. I might drive by, but it just won't be the same knowing you are with someone else.
You can't keep the digital TV box though, I have to get that back to Comcast. Goodbye forever, my friend.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Lighter Things and Memories
I told Jenn today that it doesn't matter where we are in life; I am happy as long as I am with her. She is a prize beyond anything I could ever hope for. She makes life worth it.
Do you ever just have random memories pop into your head while about your day to day activities? I do. All the time. I should write them down throughout the day because who knows when my mind will decide to bring them to my attention again. I don't control that.
Tonight we are making a lentil soup to pack in our lunches. When I think of lentils I think of the first time I had them (remember it at least). While on my mission there was a lady who wanted a blessing (prayer) said in her behalf by some missionaries - but there were none nearby. They called myself and Esteban Diaz to go visit her and pray for her. She was sick and lonely. After we left it was too late to go to our apartment so a local family offered to let us stay at their house. As the mother was from France - she made us a French version of lentil soup with slices of hot dog in it. After the late meal it was time for bed. We slept in the room of their young son. It had train tracks running around it with other wood-carved toys. Being the Christ-like missionary Esteban was he insisted on sleeping on the floor since it was "more comfortable." I got the bed. We woke to another North Carolina morning.
In my last area of my mission I was training a new missionary - Hiroshi. One day we were riding through a forest area with a lot of trailers. I was up ahead of him when I heard a "thud." He had been clothes-lined - literally - and you could see the rope mark under his nose. I apologized profusely because upon seeing that he would be okay - I could not stop laughing. A great story this will make - I told him. Especially at our big meeting tomorrow in Raleigh. Week one complete.
This was not as bad as what happened to the next two missionaries in that area. One was struck down by lightning right on a doorstep - about to preach the good word. A prayer and a life flight later - he was okay. A fate not known by the two missionaries in Romania who suffocated from a gas leak in their apartment last week.
Back when I was little boy, my brothers and I would play basketball in the hallway upstairs. We had a little plastic ball and a little plastic hoop. We jumped around and yelled...and even had a shouting match here and there...until mom would tell us that we had played long enough and took the hoop down.
Maybe I will jot down a few more stories that pop into my head while I am auditing Domino's this week. I just might try that new pizza recipe they are bragging about - but then again maybe not. That lentil soup smells promising.